True Story

Tonight I'm working on writing about a true story that I am currently living though. It's not my life story but it is a big part of it. I'm sorry if you saw this and were like, "awesome I can't wait to read it!", because I will only be showing it to very few people, such as the ones who know, because it is very personal and does not need to be public. I'm only blogging about this because, well, it's my blog and I really need to rant right now lol. I've never been able to explain how I feel in person because I'm not good at talking, so I write. Life would be easier if it worked like typing. You can type what you're saying and if you make a mistake, you can backspace and its like it never happened. Hand writing is more like talking because if you write something, and try to erase it, part of it will still be there when you try to write over it or you try so hard to erase it, that it just leaves a hole in the paper. Know what I mean?

I can't tell you my story here, but I will say this much;
Some days I feel like screaming, other days I feel like crying, maybe I punch stuff, sometimes I'm optimistic, and anyone can see that I've changed. I know everything happens for a reason because of God's divine providence, so I can't say that I would go back and fix the bad things that happened if I could. Even if I did feel that way and it was possible to go back in time, there was nothing I could do.

Sometimes I feel as though time stops for a few minutes. The times when my heart sinks to the ground, or the times that I can't get out of bed for about thirty minutes because my thoughts already start going a mile a minute. A day doesn't go by without me thinking about the past, and I realize that can be sinful, but it's so hard not to. It's like when you promise a child that in a certain amount of time, you will give them something they've wanted for a long time and they always remember it. Then the day that the promise was made for comes and you can't follow through on it for an understandable reason, and they say that its okay but it still bothers them for a long time and they know that it shouldn't because it wasn't something they could help, but that's the way they feel and can't ignore it.

Today is one of those days where I feel every emotion at once but I've become accustomed to it, in a way that I just don't directly say when I'm hurting. No, I'm not bottling up my feelings, this is why I write, and blog, and well my best friend is always there to listen too. And most of all I have God. I can only pray for healing and comfort because comfort from anything else is only temporary. I learned it the hard way.

Thanks for reading and here's the deal: No questions, comments, or bringing any of this up within ANY circumstance to me or anyone else. I love you all, don't make me change my mind ;)

P.S. I'm fine, I'm just still adapting.

Question of the blog: What do you do when you're hurting? (You can comment with this question lol)